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Friday, November 19, 2004
TGIF! I woke up before my alarm clock rang this morning! Whoa... like way before... Guess the body just automatically wakes up at the right time during exam period... so weird...but thank god for it anyway... Usually i would be more stressed about being able to sleep the night before and about waking up in the morning, than the exam itself. Urgh... all my papers are 9am. English paper was rather easy, manageable, hopefully not too much negative marking... if not.. I'll really lose a lot of marks... and there goes my hopes of getting at least a B plus. Hah, shall not think about it anymore.... 1 paper down! 4 more to go!! Ok shall digress a bit here... Was just thinking last night, of another theory of life by yours truly. If you want something very very much, and you have a very strong drive to want to attain it, the ultimate result is that you'll finally get what you want. Because you'll be so so so motivated, that somehow, your efforts have to pay off, right. Of course, you have to work for it, suffer for it if you have to, and really not give up, and put in considerable amount of effort. Then you'll be rewarded with what you want. Of course, one shouldn't be too idealistic. So you have to have the right motivations, the correct purpose of wanting it so much. Theory versus Practicality. Wonder how true is the theory, was just thinking that in real situations, people often give up a lot... especially after putting in effort, and then faced with objections here and there, circumstances just not in favour of things. Seriously, why bother about the oppositions? Why do you have to allow yourself to be burdened by these oppositions? Why even care about what other people think? It's because you don't live alone in this world. No man is island. That's why you have to care, right. But why care? Other people may not be right at all. There is a reason for everything, everything that has happened, and everything that is going to happen. Guess i just like to think about some things... think about my life, other people's lives... think about wanting to achieve many things in life, simply because life is so short, so precious, so fragile, so gotta live life to the fullest yeah? Especially when i'm young, like now... Try to achieve as many things as i want, explore my interests and go all the way out to pursue my dreams. Even if my dreams fail in the future, at least i can say i've done all my best for it and i won't have any regrets of not even trying. But sometimes, i don't know whether i'll be daring enough for all these, for what awaits me, for what i want. I guess this is my weakness. How things that i really want to do never gets done because everything will be so affected by what other people think, that i just need to stand up strongly for i want, and not be destructively affected by other people. I sound selfish here isn't? But i think i always think too much about what others think and what others feel, that it becomes so unreasonable such that i'm almost giving in to them without thinking of how i'll feel at the end of the day. Which causes so much discomfort sometimes. A friend of mine used to tell me that I should learn how to talk more especially when I'm young, make myself heard! Meaning share my ideas and thoughts with people... share my experiences (but it's not like i have a lot of experience to talk about)... and not keep everything to myself. Wonder why he thinks it's bad if one doesn't know how to talk and share his life with other people. Hmmm..... Sometimes, I want to look for people who will support me, encourage me to achieve what i really want, but it seems like I only want to see people agreeing with me, and I'm choosing not to see and hear the other side - the people who will disagree with me, who will forbid me and restrict me. I think it's really hard to find people, friends, or even someone who will really know how to appreciate you and treasure you, so much that his or her loving appreciation and admiration for you can cover all wrongs, can forgive all mistakes, can continually embrace you. It's way too idealistic here, cos' not a single human being have such a perfect character. Let's not talk about God here, because God is definitely perfect... thinking about the human side here. Think about it... who are the people you really treasure in life and to what extent do you treasure them... I think generally, people are so superficial, and such people disgusts me. I do treasure closed ones around me, but just wondering how much i love them... I can say that there's no hatred in my heart because I'm not such a person who will contain hatred and remember hatred (or is it because i haven't seen the worst?), I just hope that as I walk through the journey of life with God, I'll learn how to embrace people and love people... Posted at 1:42 PM |
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