Sunday, October 31, 2004 Haven't been blogging for two weeks... I really need to blog now... so many thoughts... overwhelming ones, silly ones, teary ones, nonsensical ones, unimportant ones.. hmm.. And things have happened... how I've done so much work the last two weeks. Been really busy. My Birthday 19 October 1984. Had a mini celebration with jf 2 weekends ago. We went to watch sky captain, and had a simple dinner - crepes at the basement of raffles city. I was happy anyway. I was happy because I spent time with jf, outside hall, outside school... I didn't want to think about anything else tho' I had so much work to do, esp cmb work has been bothering me, the proposal deadlines, budget deadlines, agendas and meetings all in my mind. I told myself I just want to enjoy my time with jf.. not gonna think about anything else... just wanted to relax and enjoy his company. Most of the time i see him in school... it's hard to cast aside thoughts about work when everybody around me is studying, doing projects and doing comm work. Was really glad.. tho' I think he didn't really like the way we celebrated my birthday. Too slack? Hmm... nvm. Dad and mum brought me to this chinese restaurant in the basement of paragon.. ding tai feng. The food was great... especially the xiaolong baos.. Didn't expect mum and dad to make the effort to celebrate with me. After all, I seldom get anything special from them on my previous birthdays... guess they just miss me cos' I stay in hall. Really appreciate them. Belle, cin and jacq bought a chocolate cake for me. They tried to surprise me at midnight after i came back from my bath. Was rather touched.. cos' I didn't expect them to think of me on my birthday.. or I should put it this way... didn't think that people will remember my birthday except my very closed buds. I spent most of the time doing proposals, settling budgets, thinking about cmb on my birthday. Sheesh, I wasn't in any mood to think about doing other things... it's like there are so many things to be done within such a short period of time... I just wanna get everything completed and get over with it.. before i can take comfortable rest away from work and work and work. It doesn't bother me that my birthday is spent doing cmb... i mean it's ok.. even though my friends were saying that I should just give myself a break, after all, it's my 20th birthday rite?! Jf wanted to lunch with me... but i didn't msg him back about it.. felt quite bad cos' I know he was being nice and wanted to have a nice meal with me on my birthday. Thereafter, had some minor miscommmunication which luckily didn't turn out to be a quarrel. Maybe it's just me.. My B-day prezzies: - Precious Moments figurine - may your every wish come true - of course from my darling. - Maksim variations part I&II - from guoyi. It's really a musical inspiration for me! Love it. - A black and white cushion that says "hug it"- from pingping and rongjie. - a box full of yummy chocolates from Sui for a choco freak like me. - Old fashioned black and white humbugs, chocolate-mint flavoured sweets- from belle. - Cookies, blackcurrant drink and cute calendar cards - from josephine. Good Luck Concert Held on 28 October 7.15pm at hall lobby. Was great! Generally satisfied... can't expect too much right... after all the preparation time was so short. My acappella item was kinda screwed. Somehow didn't think that the audience will know how to appreciate the instrumental-like piece. It must be quite weird to think that mission impossible can be sung. Well... but in acappella, anything can be sung... so well guess we're just not up to it. Just felt that the juniors need to buck up a lot cos seniors learn things really fast. Thought that the better performance items were by band and dance. Acapella and geyao need a lot a lot of improvement... feel that they should buck up this holidays and I hope to help them. ___________________________________ Was thinking about comm work on fri night when i couldn't sleep... somehow came up with a few ideas for cmb concert... suddenly and randomly. Kinda excited about planning things after my exams... seems like i like to think about organising concerts. I hope that my comm and cultural heads can live up to my expectations. It'll be tough... but i guess i should just take one step at a time sometimes... don't know whether it's a good thing if i try to make them see how i think and how i feel all the time. sometimes, their ideas and thoughts matter too. Been having insomnia these few nights. Sigh~ think my body clock is very screwed all the time.. keeps changing all the time too. Argh. Was tryng to work on my lit essay the whole of friday... but still i manage to get it 3/4 done only... supposed to finish completely. Sigh, think i just got sick of typing and refused to finish it even though it's just another 1/4 to finish. I don't like it when there are no questions set for the essay. Gotta formulate my own questions... and in the end i think i just end up writing about really broad ideas like humanity, the relationship between humans and machines... screw it. I think I didn't write any interesting original ideas down... grrrh. Even though i did it in a rush and it doesn't take up a high percentage of my marks... i still have to write my essay close to perfection... it's just me lah... no slipshod work... must be grammatically, technically, correct.... the most perfect vocabulary should be used... haha... which maybe explains why i type so slowly too. I wanna go NYC... NYC= New York City. That's where chorale may be going next year march tentatively. Really hope i can go if the opportunity is there. I just think that the exposure will be fantastic. how can i miss it? yeah... but still gotta see how the funding goes. Not very good news is that... it's really right after rockfest and very close to cmb concert. Sigh means i'll still have to go down for chorale pracs during that time... think i won't really mind if it's really worth it. Will need very good planning of how i carry out my work from jan onwards. Somehow... even though i know there's so many things to do next yr... i really really wish that the we'll get the chance to go nyc to perform. Anyways... we're invited to be there.. so maybe chances of us going there will be high. Hmmmm..... NYC!! From now onwards i shall study diligently... especially for Ec3303 and Ec3101. All the best to me.... Singing, cmb, singing, cmb, singing, cmb, singing.... but studies is still the first priority eh... Posted at 6:19 PM

Tentative NYC trip Singapore International Foundation, SIF, has started this program called, Singapore Encore, where their aim is to showcase developments in arts and culture to important "Friends of Singapore" and writers in the US. The event will be attended by invited guests and media of the US, members of the diplomatic corps and overseas Singaporeans in a yet to determine location. Last year, they went to SF and LA with Jacintha and Huqin Quartet. This year, they are planning to go to New York and Boston/Washington during the March period. Tentative schedule is 7-10 March. As it is, nothing is confirmed as they have not decided who to bring in. Especially in our case where we are a much bigger group than this year's group, combined. Funding will be a big issue here. The kind of repertoire they would like us to sing if we are going, will lean towards Singaporean flavored pieces...or at least Asean pieces. As it is, nothing is confirmed and we will only know more come November. (from jimmy my chorale head) ______________________________________ NYC! If possible, I'll be most willingly sacrifice anything just to go for this rare opportunity. Exposure will be fantastic! Posted at 6:03 PM

Saturday, October 16, 2004 I wonder whether any girl in the world actually enjoys getting her menses?! hmmm.... just a question that suddenly came to my mind. It's uncomfortable, tiring, troublesome and occasionally painful. Yet it's all normal. CMB is a big headache~ but nvm.. after all the brainstorming and thinking and planning and doing... should feel a sense of achievement yeah... so it's not too bad. Can only enjoy the fruits of my efforts. It's a boring friday night. Am thinking how to spend my time tomorrow.... Wanna relax and enjoy life for a while since there's no chorale practice tomorrow.... Just wanna cast aside other things, cast aside sad things and enjoy for a while... Think it shouldn't be that hard... since it's pretty easy to make myself happy. ---------------- Back again. The tendency to blog when the laptop is switched on and there's internet connection. Again. I'm so happy I'm going out later in the afternoon!!! haha with jf of course. but don't know what we gonna do hmm.... watch movie?! eat?! Yeah suddenly feel like having pizza, or maybe just cheap stuff like kfc... I want to get my free scoop of icecream from HG too! Whheee~~!! Ender's Game is brilliant! The most interesting and exciting lit text i've read so far for my module. The rest of my texts were so-so... hmmm.... Lit is really the most enjoyable module, just read and enjoy and appreciate the books.... From now on... I shall strive to finish reading Ilium, The Gate to Women's Country, and Dune... Was talking to huihui and jiayin during ec3101 lect... (wait.. why was i chatting, shouldn't we be listening attentively to the lect) we suddenly talked about our vj days... how we had quirky weird funny teachers... We were laughing so much, especially when we were talking about our lit teachers....how our class had a dysfunctional relationship with mr harris cos' he's somehow intimidating just by being himself and yet be so nice sometimes... and for lofty... how he thinks we're so kiasu to bring huge pencilcases filled with unnecessary coloured pens and highlighters and was very impressed with jiayin cos she doesn't own a pencilcase and kept her stationery simple. mr aug. wong was who huihui called a P.O.W. haha. mr ixer who was so ever boring and everyone tried really really hard to keep awake in class. nellie leslie was the most provocative one. the only teacher who used the four-letter vulgarity like everyday language almost all the time, who, the only teacher i've known, encourages us to have sex, yup, sex... "go sow wild oats.." and how she likes to talk about her horny little past... that she had a lot of sex when she was our age.. erh... yah.. Ok haa... that's all for now... going to ~lala~ land... *abrupt ending* Posted at 3:19 AM

Friday, October 15, 2004 Just need little things to cheer me up! I'm going to get a free scoop of ice-cream from Haagen-dazs! (from an online survery) Haha, can't believe I'm getting excited over my one free scoop... am thinking which flavour to take already.. Think I just need little little things like this to cheer myself... It's so easy to make myself happy eh... Guess it's good this way... Posted at 11:18 AM

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 Enough of dreams and school and hall and the number of meetings i have to attend. Can't believe I actually shedded tears over my dream. But it's only a dream. What's with me? Isn't there anything else in life I can jot down, instead of the usual school, hall and JF? I have a boring life. I need a LIFE! Can't believe I can motivate myself simply by telling myself everyday that I must push myself harder and over my limits. I thought I am and was a slacker. As long as I don't see him and I don't know what he is doing, I'll keep worrying about him, about us. In the next few months, life will just be about studying and CMB. I miss watching movies. I miss eating Haagen Daaz and hanging out at Esplanade's Haagen Daaz. I think that's a perfect place for chatting, slacking, reading. I miss long phone chats with shihua. I miss cable tv where my favourite movies are. I miss aimless strolls, and aimless window-shopping. I miss hanging around at the airport. I miss sitting at the viewing area and watching the planes take-off and land. I miss ice-cream buffet at swensens. I don't know whether there's anyone out there who really understands me. And I don't know whether there's anyone out there whom I can feel un-shy with. I'll try not be such a crybaby. I'll try to control myself more, emotionally. I always think that I can endure and withstand and tolerate all rubbish and nonsense, pain and hurt. And so I should show the same strength in my character and principles. ?! No conclusion everyday about things. I'm tired. Posted at 3:30 AM

Monday, October 11, 2004 I had a really beautiful dream... one of those dreams which I wish will come true in the future. The thing is, I remembered the dream so vividly that I think it'll never ever happen. *Sad* I always believe that if I can remember my dream after I wake up, the dream will never come true, no matter how realistic or possible it may seem to be. The dream was something close to my heart, a hope I hold on to in life. I love my dream, and I'll continue holding on to it, as long as I can. Tho' I feel down that I can recall the vivid images of my dream... I hope the future will fail my belief. *Currently feeling sad and wish I didn't dream about it at all* Posted at 4:40 PM

Been really busy with cmb work, me and eunice doing almost everything from publicity to programmes, to proposals... yah. This is what happens when the comm is not up yet, and i just wanna get things going. Will be really busy next few weeks.. Hopefully am able to settle everything efficiently. Got the drama club to think about, and also the goodluck concert publicity... argh i need a publicity sub-comm! Sometimes, I wonder why I'm doing all these... why I took up chairperson-ship.. and whether it's worth all my effort thinking, brainstorming and doing. At the end of the day, what's the point of being the chair... I'm really not after the points and I may not want to stay in hall anymore in the future. Well.... tough journey ahead with cmb and studies and more and more and more... Few reasons why I may not be interested in staying in hall in the future (but keeping options open): - Don't wanna be involve in anymore hall activities, not even block activities. - Don't see the point in staying anymore... - Change of lifestyle may be good. - Save lotsa money... imagine what i can do with $3000...Get my parents to subsidise me for my future chorale trips to europe... muahahaha. Can't describe how I feel now. I feel kinda silly now tho~ guess I'm just being myself huh... Sometimes I don't know whether I'm unnecessarily fretting... (not about studies and cmb yah) Was really tired after chorale prac on saturday. I think it's such a luxury to sleep early after that. Sleeping is always a luxury isn't it. I think that being able to sleep is such a blessing. Being able to sleep well ... means having no worries, having nothing burdensome on the mind, having no unfortunate life.... no insomnia.... able to cast aside all anxieties... Argh, feeling silly again. When will be the day when I can stop feeling that my ideas and thoughts are stupid and worthless..? What's the problem with thinking in certain ways? Maybe there isn't any problem, at all. Just me, right?! When will be the day when I can feel that others do value my thoughts after all.. even though I may sound silly, or I may feel uncomfortable with certain thoughts and wished I ain't thinking that way... Are my thoughts and intentions worth anything? Or they can be of worth only if they're converted to actions?! Posted at 3:10 AM

Thursday, October 07, 2004 Feeling quite troubled... Because there are so many things to settle these three weeks. I have to work so much harder these three weeks in order to get things going as how I hope they will be, and learn how to make use of every second to accomplish something. I have to be doing something productive every waking moment. There are so many issues to think about too. In the meantime I need remedies, or rather, come up with my own remedies for certain things. I hope that with only a few people supporting me now... or rather... barely a few people, things will work out as long as I put my heart and soul into doing things. I just hope I don't think too much about things and neglect others. Posted at 3:26 AM

Appreciating small things I want to learn how to appreciate small things in life. Little blessings here and there, and the hidden beauty of life. Simple things too... Sometimes I just need to sit down and reflect the simple beauty of my life. Then I won't be a demanding person and I'll learn to enjoy every single moment of my life. Sometimes people should just stop and think about the small yet beautiful blessings of life especially if they're too caught up in pursuing greater things. In every little step I take in life, however insignificant and mundane, there's a meaning in it which I have to learn to appreciate. Posted at 2:54 AM

Sunday, October 03, 2004 One week since i last blogged.... Anyway, regarding my last post... jf had a painful knee... but it was no injury or whatsoever, think it was just too exhausted from the run. He could walk... yah... i mean.. i didn't think he could walk. Was just a bit paranoid. Argh, stupid idiot me. I feel silly getting worried. Been a busy week of choir, aca, geyao auditions, chorale practice... and i actually finished my EC3101 assignment way ahead of the deadline. Haha... unbelievable, but yah guessed it's because i spent a lot of time on it and put much more effort into it than i thought i would. EC3101 is really a worrying module. My mum went to johannesburg last night for work. She's helping her friend with a exhibition about spices. Sounds interesting and it'll be a good exposure for her. Dad may join her in johannesburg this tuesday. I'm so glad I met up with rach, evi, vic, sri and nor in the afternoon. It's really great seeing old friends again. I mean, how many times in a year do we actually gather?! We ate at pizza hut, as usual, and the main topic of our conversation was rach and her boyfriend. They were recently attached and haha gosh i was kinda excited for her in the beginning. It seems to me that they got together out of the blue, out of nowhere, and out of a sudden. Maybe this is another surprises in life which we can't anticipate at all?! well, i thought it was rather freaky that rach's attached to vic's boyfriend, jeffrey's friend. Ok, ahem, it was a deliberate attempt to bring them together, and an unexpectedly successful one i have to say. A remarkably successful attempt at matchmaking, considering that the chances of such cases are small.. hmmm Been trying to be a mugger for my Ec2102 test on tues. All i can think of is study study study... gonna be freaking irritated if anyone dares to disturb me unnecessarily or dares to try to ask me to go down for any waste-time activities. Posted at 10:52 PM