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Friday, January 28, 2005
For a short moment just now, all my fears and worries overwhelmed me, that tears just welled in my eyes. I don't know what exactly caused me to feel apprehensive... it was just one small thought leading to another, and then to another... and so on... and then the big picture came in and it became many thoughts. I'm okay now... feeling better. I don't know whether it's because I'm feeling grouchy cranky... or is it just the "so-many-things" to do kind of feeling that makes me sian. I really wanna understand jf. Sometimes don't know what he's thinking too. I just think I'm so different from what I was in the past. Maybe I'm just a little upset. I think too much of him. Don't feel like doing anything now.... I wish I have the energy to just continue doing all that I need to clear... most of the nights I have to finish all that I need to do,a ll that i expect myself to finish, if not I won't be able to go to sleep. I just think it's not relaxing to sleep with a heavy workload in mind... like still thinking of work when i'm lying on my bed trying to rest is so not right. Ok, then was thinking about some internal stuff about cmb and cultural groups... so i'm supposed to be secretive about how i feel about things... in case i offend anybody or give people the wrong ideas...?! Just hate it when i have to keep certain unhappiness to myself and then tolerate with situations just because i dun want to give others the wrong ideas, or i just don't see things the way others do. Sometimes, if only people can understand how the chairperson of cmb feels, everything will just work better.... that's because only she understands how the comm functions and sees things from the comm's point of view. Her first priority are the performers, but she has the comm's interests at heart too. Certain things are not feasible and that's it. No argument. Outsiders who doesn't know how the comm works shouldn't talk too much and they shouldn't take us for granted just because we keep doing things for them and because we just keep serving people and spoonfeeding people and pamper the performers until they don't know how to appreciate us. Keep fighting for resources and don't blame me when there isn't enough to sponsor your events. I wish... people won't ask for too much. Sometimes a lot of time and money can be well channelled to better uses... for the good of everybody. I know no one will appreciate us. It's not my concern that people show appreciation and thank us. Just do whatever you want... as long as you don't give me problems... know your limitations and control your resources and budget.... good enough. Everything is not as easy as it seems. If it's really so easy.... a lot of things would have been accomplished by now, because people have thought about them before, just that resources are limited ok. Unless you provide more of your resources then you can really acheieve whatever you want. I know nobody will understand truly what I just typed above.... Was just typing whatever comes into my mind.... blah blah... Tired wanna sleep... but still have unfinished stuff. Shucks. *Faith is STRESSED* Posted at 2:31 AM |
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