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Monday, January 17, 2005
I was feeling really a bit worried and more stressed.... cos' Una Noche concert publicity was not done.... Keep reminding them and 'chasing' them for the soft copies... Finally when it was done,I think I became rather inefficient as well.... so things were delayed. Seriously, I was frustrated cos' things were not up to standard, seriously NOT and I was angry, don't know what to say to them too.... I can't bring myself to scold them, reprimand them, but I can't be happy with them too.... Friendship and work have to separated right.... I can't stand it when deadlines are not met. I can't stand it when the work produced is so reflective of laziness and effortlessness. I can't stand it when I have to keep reminding people of other things when I have to remember just so many other things as well. I can't stand it when it's five minutes before a meeting and I receive a message on my cellphone that says "I won't be coming after all" or "I will be late". Basically, I have high standards for myself and for all the work. So I can't stand it when that standard is not achieved. I should stop complaining about all these here. Sometimes, I feel so bogged down by the million things I have to remember... really, if there are so many things to remember, I'll tend to forget some things at times. I'll feel bad for forgetting, for not achieving things I want to. I'm really thankful to jos and eunice who help me remember things, give me reminders here and there. I don't wanna feel bad for letting my mind slip again. Somehow I have the tendency to blame myself for everything... so I'll end up feeling quite bad sometimes, but hope this is not unnecessary. I mean, I don't wanna blame others cos' I think I should always take a look at myself first before telling people they're wrong. If I haven't been doing a good job as chairperson, why should I blame others when they don't do as well... or when they miss deadlines, is it because I didn't remind them continuously, or we're all just busy... anyway it's really tiring to keep reminding them of their deadlines. Anyway, the proposed budget is way too much. Too much as in quantity wise and in the sense of being ridiculous as well. With almost two thousand bucks, I can organise two big concerts.... and so two thousand bucks for that thing... I can't understand. Well, I'll really try to be very fair and reasonable and try to understand why so much money is needed when this amount of money can very well be chanelled for better purposes. Being domineering doesn't scare me. It's times like this... which is almost everyday and at the end of the day thatomm matters become mind boggling... And I wish so very much that I can find someone to talk to, to sigh to, to chat with so that my mind can be more relaxed, to share my stressful moments and mind boggling moments, to understand that most of the time I'm always so anxious and the only rest time I have away from all these issues is when I sleep, and when I wake up it's another anxious cycle of getting things done, and I wish so very much to learn how to enjoy doing my work more, I love my comm, I like organising concerts and events, but when its too much at a time, things become dreadful and they're made worse when the support from own comm members are not good enough cos' it seems like nobody knows how to share the workload with me. I wish so very much that at the end of a day of work and studying, someone can talk to me take my mind off all that, someone who'll try to feel what I feel... but everyone seems so busy, I think we all don't have the luxury of time to chat and chat. But isn't all about time management? I still want to watch the phantom of the opera... (added new link -> My Photo Gallery) Posted at 2:48 AM |
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