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Monday, March 07, 2005
So exciting that cmb concert is drawing nearer!! Really excited about it.... it'll be the day when i can see all the fruits of my efforts and of course my comm's efforts... was very worried about many things about it last few weeks.... but now I really can't get worried anymore, unless some major cock-ups gonna happen... I'm just a bit relieved that things are gradually taking shape.. hmm. It will also be the day when I can step down as chairperson!!! Cos' it's the most major and final event i'll be organizing in sheares hall...!! After that can really spend a lot more time on other things. Well... my concern now is money..?! I really need funding... cos gonna spend a lot of money this week in organising the concert.... I've already spent a lot of money on comm stuff.... so it's time for my members to fork out. Really, the lag time for reimbursement is unpredictably long... haven't gotten back my money which i spent last 2 months... hmm... sad... and then it's hard to get my parents to understand why I can spend so much money at one go... simply because i feel i need to fork out money, do a bit of sacrifice here as a chairperson.... then they'll think that i anyhow spend money blah blah... seriously I'm broke now... I dun mean to publicize the fact that I'm only gonna survive this week with less than 10 bucks... just have to blog down all my frustrations yah... and i still need to spend more money.. sigh. Nvm at least got hall breakfast and dinner everyday. THANK GOD for that! yah really.... I lost my handphone last week.... haha but mum bought me a new one la... which is good... just that the phone's a bit ugly. But nvm... i'm really thankful that my mum got me a new card and new phone... But again... i dun like mum when she gets so naggy... i agree that she doesn't know what i'm doing most of the time... defintely...not like she bothers to find out what I've been doing in school in hall.... so i guess she thinks that i waste a lot of time... but no no.... i wish i have time to waste... yah but i don't have that luxury of time. Nobody has lah.... and i dunno.... i hate it when parents talk to me about the 'future'... like what i wanna achieve in the future... it's depressing la... cos' we don't think the same. What i want for myself is very much demoralised by what my parents think I should want... Sigh, they have more experience but i know my own strengths and weaknesses better than they do. I know what can bring out my strengths... but i dun think they know. That's the sad thing in life... that my parents are very concerned about what I should think... but they don't even bother to find out what I think about things. That's why I think that there's no point elaborating so much to them... in the end it's just thoughts that will be cast aside. Does what i really think matter...? Well I can get quite stubborn really... especially towards things that i feel a lot for... I know what I want for myself... but often faced with issues of my parents that makes me doubt a lot sometimes... why is it that some people can make me see things in such positive light but my parents just make me feel so demoralised sometimes. So are my friends who have encouraged me and understood me all fools? I realized that as I grow and mature day by day... I'm beginning to be really more firm with my own principles and values, my own beliefs and thoughts and ideas, especially things about my life. I don't know whether this is self-centeredness or what... just that sometimes I'm so engrossed in what I want for myself... I'll feel so upset when things don't turn out the way I think it should be. I choose to do things which I know I have the potential for, things what will make me happy... This has got nothing to do with me and God... it's more of like me and my parents... conflicting objectives. I know they meant well.... but sometimes I think they're not interested what I think... it's just what they think that's more important. Hey, I'm an adult now... so i wanna be treated like an adult, an adult with her own opinions and decisions and views, i may not be right, but at least i've shown progress in maturing for an adult and i know that i need to plan and work for my future, work for what i want. I'm no longer a kid that just receives what people say... i wanna be heard too. At least, show me that you're concerned about how i feel... hmm... well...whatever. Tired~ Tomorrow will be a better day.... tomorrow will be another full day at the library... where i need to do my readings there... cos' books i need are not on loan.. yup. Yeah... dun like hanging out in the library cos' too quiet... but no choice eh.... my sources are all there... In the meantime gonna figure out how to get money this week.... urgh I'm so broke!! Posted at 3:00 AM |
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